Lessons Learned Despite Unfulfilled Bonus

So when I created my 30 by 30 list, I included a bonus of meeting someone and being engaged by the time I turned 30. I didn't include it on my list because I don't have a lot of control as to if and when this will take place. AND....obviously, this has not taken place.
First of all, I would just like to point out that this is difficult for me to write about. Marriage and having a family of my own is my highest priority. So as I share my experience with you, please realize that I share a part of my heart with you.
In looking back to when I created my list, I don't think I had any idea what experiences were coming my way. This year has been the most eventful in my life as far as dating relationships have gone. It's been fun, educational, and heart breaking. In fact, I don't know how much more my heart can take.
This year has definitely taught me about what I really want in a relationship. Some may think that because I'm not married, I don't really know what it's all about. On the contrary, I feel that I've seen enough of what I don't want to know what is really critical for a good relationship.

My Five Critical C's of a Lasting Relationship
1) Communication
     This last year has taught me how important communication is in more than one way. First, communication is a greater gift than anything bought from a store. From a text to let me know I'm thought of to the silent signals sent when holding hands, I just need to be reminded that I'm a priority. Second, I can't read thoughts and as a result, I can't expect someone else to read my thoughts. I feel that lack of communication causes more grief than is necessary. Be open with your feelings because being left in the dark is worse than rejection. I've found that it's difficult to get honest and open responses when it comes to discussing feelings. It seems as though as singles, we're our own worst enemies. Hello, we know that dating is tough. Be honest with each other and make it less of a game. Let the other person know how you feel about things. We can never expect to find someone to settle down with if we can't communicate. Additionally, all of your communication shouldn't take place electronically. We need the signals that accompany voices and facial expressions to really know what message is being sent.

2) Confidence
     I can't believe how big confidence is in a successful relationship. It's interesting because I've struggled with my own self confidence for most of my life until recently. Currently, I feel pretty comfortable with myself for the most part. In fact, I had someone comment to me just this past week how I'm pretty straight forward when dealing with dating. I think that I've come to realize that dating isn't going to get easier and I'm not getting younger. Therefore, I need to be fair to myself and be my biggest advocate when it comes to dating. As I reflect on the past year, I recall being told by one guy that I'm very confident while another guy told me I'm not confident enough. Hmmm. Then, most recently I've learned the lesson that if you can't love yourself, it will be pretty difficult to ever be able to accept the fact that someone else loves you.

3) Compassion
     You have to know that you are with someone that genuinely cares about you no matter what. I want someone that I can call when I'm having a bad day, and he can make me feel better. In return, I want to be the person he calls when he needs a listening ear or wants to share good news. I should never have to question if I am bugging him. We should be a support to each other in the both the good times and the bad.

4) Commitment
     There is so much included in commitment. I would include loyalty, love, service, and support. I need to be with someone that I know will have my back no matter the circumstances. I need someone that is willing to make marriage work no matter how hard it can get. I need someone that loves me and isn't afraid to say it. I need someone that will humble himself and love me enough to let me do the same for him. I should never have to question whether or not he loves me because he willingly and regularly shows me.
     Additionally, if you're not ready to be in a committed relationship, be fair and don't lead someone on to think otherwise. In all reality, don't date someone seriously if you're not interested in marriage because ultimately your leading him/her down the the pathway of heart break. We're at an age to date for marriage not simply for pleasure.

5) Christ
     There is no marriage out there that is completely backed up without our Savior. He is our foundation, and He is the only one that has suffered in such a way that He can provide the guidance necessary to make marriage work. I need someone in my life that has a strong relationship with Jesus Christ and will rely on that strength to make our relationship last into the eternities. Sure it will take work, but through faith and obedience, the Lord will be there cheering us on.

So as I mentioned, this year has been tough as I've had my heart broken a number of times. Despite this, I've learned a great deal and hope this will strengthen my faith in marriage. Satan is in full force and working to not only tear families apart, but prevent them from beginning. I feel that because my heart and patience have been tried, I will definitely more fully appreciate the day that I find someone who loves and adores me and wants to be mine forever. As hard as it is, I will keep putting myself out there in with the belief that it will happen. Does it make it easier? NO WAY, but at some point, I'd like to think that all this will have been worth it.