Age

There have been a couple of things more recently that have caused me to reflect upon my age. By no means do I feel super old, but I am feeling older than I used to like to think. There are a number of events that have lead me to this state of mind. Yet, I still don't feel completely grown up.
The first one being that I am old for where I'm at in my life. My dream was  that of being married with a family of my own and playing the mom role. Oh how I would love that. Not too long ago, I was reminded of the fact that I will be 31 shortly. That's when I was reminded that I don't have 100% guarantee of marrying in this life and having my own kids. It made me sad. I will still hold on to my belief that it will happen for me, but my age worries me a bit because of the possible risks and other factors that come into account with having children. My desire of having six children is becoming a thing of the past as I realize that this might not be physically possible.
Another instance came as I was leaving the temple with Julia last Saturday. I saw two girls get into a car and said to Julia that they didn't look old enough to be driving. That is just one instance of many others that have come to me as I see others that seem much too young to be at their current stage of life. That has lead me to realize that I must be getting older as the young seem to be younger.
Finally, I began an insittute class this last Thursday (which I'm pretty excited about), and the instructor mentioned that he was 36 and so much older than all of us. Granted, I am going to Salt Lake Community College for the course which means the students are young. But on the other hand, this comment just acted as another reminder that I really am not as young as I'd like to think I am.
So what does all of this mean?
Yes, I do feel older. And yes, I am not exactly where I'd like to be. And yes it is hard to feel like I'm the kid in the gym class not being picked for a team and everybody else is moving on without me. BUT I am learning and progressing and doing the best I can with what I have been blessed with. AND I will continue to do so until I am granted the greatest desire of my heart. It definitely doesn't make it easy, but it will so be worth it in the end. That is the hope that I must hold onto with every fiber of my being.